Pause

Sometimes the actions of others give me pause. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. For example, whenever I try my hand a mild humor when speaking to my advisor, he is impassive. I wonder, why doesn't he smile? Am I way less funny than I think I am (probably)?

Different story: as a graduate student, I get a stipend from the university every month. I have to admit, I've grown attached to it, so I was disappointed when I didn't get it at the beginning of the month. I tried to take it in my stride and figure out what was wrong. Finally I was informed that I would be paid today, the last day of July. I must say I was a bit impatient for the day to come, so I could once again spend money with abandon.

In the middle of the month, while I was still trying to figure these things out, an employee at my lab, whose office is next to mine, asked me if I was having troubles with that. Apparently her husband was having troubles getting his stipend, too. She contacted the accounts processor at our department and found out when we would get paid.

This morning as I turned on my computer she came to my office to see if I had gotten paid. After I checked and found that I hadn't, she said she would contact the lady for me. This is what gives me pause. Why would she be so eager to help me? A pleasant feeling is pervading, even as I contemplate my continued lack of money, because someone I barely know seems to care enough about me to involve herself in my affairs and try to help.

Unsettling

This morning I woke up around 3 from what may be considered a nightmare. In the dream, I had, for some reason, agreed to marry a very good friend. I loved him, just not romantically. In the dream, I guess I decided that I needed to stop waiting for Mr. Right, and settle for Mr. Right Now. It's all a bit hazy, but I think that I figured that being married to a good friend I wasn't in love with was better than not being married at all.

Anyway, immediately after the ceremony (which I don't really remember, I just remember thinking, "Well, now I'm married..."), I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I suddenly realized that I was trapped. I would need to be a good wife to the guy I had just married, and would never be able to be with someone I truly loved, if I ever found him.

It was pretty weird to wake up from. I lay there thinking, "What am I going to do? I can't get a divorce. Maybe an annulment? What does the First Presidency think of those?" It took me a couple of moments lying there to realize that it had all been just a dream, and I was as yet unfettered by such a choice.

I'm very curious as to what this dream meant, if anything. Any suggestions?

Pressing issues for a changing world

As my three readers know, I write passionately about global concerns. It will not come as a surprise, then, that I wish to address the devastating problem of changing fashions with two examples.

First: I have a favorite shirt. It comes in v-neck or crew neck, short-sleeved or long-sleeved. I have every combination in various colors. If I had enough of them, I would wear this shirt every day. Only one thing stops me from having enough. It's not money. I've got the money to spend. They aren't sold any more. For at least the last six months I have been checking for my favorite shirt (Mossimo black-tag t-shirt) every time I go to Target. No luck. They aren't selling it any more. I've gone into mourning.

Second: my favorite shoes. Several years ago I bought a pair of no-name brand junk shoes. They have since become my favorites (yes, that's a hole in the toe):

I have been searching everywhere for an equally cheap replacement, as these are finally falling apart. Wouldn't you know, Payless has started making shoes that don't look like trash (for the most part). They don't have anything that looks remotely like my favorite shoes, or much that even looks like something I'd wear. The only brand I've been able to find that approaches similarity to my favorite shoes is converse, and aside from the ridiculous prices of their shoes is the fact that they just look so trendy. Where can I find a junky shoe that is comfortable, not totally ugly, and cheap?

My moral dilemma

I have been planning what I will do when I finally finish my master's degree. Some of these things involve celebrating extensively, getting a job, buying a house, getting a dog, being a bum, and buying a car. I think I pretty much know what I'm looking for in each of these things. For example:

House: small, cheap, large trees, fenced yard. Preferably over 50 years old.

Dog: large, low shedding, easy to train, some protective tendencies.

Job: pays money. Is in Utah (preferably Utah Valley).

The exception is "car." I will most likely need a car, and I firmly believe that cars should be fuel efficient. I drive a Geo Metro right now, but that will be staying in Texas. The problem is that my dream car is an older model Jeep Wrangler, one of the most fuel-inefficient cars on the market. I have been rationalizing the desire by thinking about my future job. I am a soil scientist (saying that sounds pretentious, but I think it might be an accurate statement), and my ideal job involves visiting rural areas with questionable roads. So a Jeep would be a good choice, right? My sister has abetted the justification process by pointing out that a Jeep would be extremely useful when visiting places like Spiral Jetty, and my imagination immediately took me to the San Rafael Swell. It would be so useful! I think the justifications fit. Maybe I can have two cars....

Why I wear a jacket every day

Every day when I walk into my office, I put on my jacket. It is the middle of summer and to stay warm as I sit at my desk I need a jacket. I spend most of my time in a government building, and share an office with a person who has much different indoor climate views than I do.

Here is what I believe: In the summer a person should be able to comfortably go from a building to outdoors wearing the same clothes. In the winter a person should be able to comfortably wear winter clothes inside. Not a parka, but certainly a sweater.

I also believe that the US government spends too much money keeping its buildings warm in the winter and cool in the summer. If we raised thermostats a few degrees in the summer, how much would we save on cooling costs? If we lowered our thermostats in the winter, would the costs be worth it? I think they would. I have a dream that one summer day I will walk into my building and feel a slight change in temperature, instead of a blast of arctic air.