Pause

Sometimes the actions of others give me pause. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. For example, whenever I try my hand a mild humor when speaking to my advisor, he is impassive. I wonder, why doesn't he smile? Am I way less funny than I think I am (probably)?

Different story: as a graduate student, I get a stipend from the university every month. I have to admit, I've grown attached to it, so I was disappointed when I didn't get it at the beginning of the month. I tried to take it in my stride and figure out what was wrong. Finally I was informed that I would be paid today, the last day of July. I must say I was a bit impatient for the day to come, so I could once again spend money with abandon.

In the middle of the month, while I was still trying to figure these things out, an employee at my lab, whose office is next to mine, asked me if I was having troubles with that. Apparently her husband was having troubles getting his stipend, too. She contacted the accounts processor at our department and found out when we would get paid.

This morning as I turned on my computer she came to my office to see if I had gotten paid. After I checked and found that I hadn't, she said she would contact the lady for me. This is what gives me pause. Why would she be so eager to help me? A pleasant feeling is pervading, even as I contemplate my continued lack of money, because someone I barely know seems to care enough about me to involve herself in my affairs and try to help.

Unsettling

This morning I woke up around 3 from what may be considered a nightmare. In the dream, I had, for some reason, agreed to marry a very good friend. I loved him, just not romantically. In the dream, I guess I decided that I needed to stop waiting for Mr. Right, and settle for Mr. Right Now. It's all a bit hazy, but I think that I figured that being married to a good friend I wasn't in love with was better than not being married at all.

Anyway, immediately after the ceremony (which I don't really remember, I just remember thinking, "Well, now I'm married..."), I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I suddenly realized that I was trapped. I would need to be a good wife to the guy I had just married, and would never be able to be with someone I truly loved, if I ever found him.

It was pretty weird to wake up from. I lay there thinking, "What am I going to do? I can't get a divorce. Maybe an annulment? What does the First Presidency think of those?" It took me a couple of moments lying there to realize that it had all been just a dream, and I was as yet unfettered by such a choice.

I'm very curious as to what this dream meant, if anything. Any suggestions?